Sometimes I wonder if God can even hear me, a phrase said by hundreds of thousands, even biblical heros of faith

Me, well, because I stopped believing in Him but because I’m tired of praying for things that never seem to change

asked for peace, but my mind is still restless
prayed for certain people to stay, but I still had to watch them walk away

asked for things to get better, only to find myself back in the same pain, just wearing a different day

maybe the hardest part is that I still turn to God through all of it

Even when I’m disappointed
Even when I’m confused
Even when I feel like I’ve prayed the same prayer so many times that the words have lost their weight

A part of me still hopes He’ll listen this time
Maybe that’s what hurts the most, having faith in something while slowly losing hope that things will ever get better

I’m not angry enough to walk away from God
But I’m too tired to keep pretending that everything is okay

I wish I could understand why some prayers seem to go unanswered, especially the ones that come from a heart that’s already exhausted

The ones prayed through tears
The ones whispered when no one else is around. The ones where you’re not even asking for a miracle anymore, just relief

I still believe in God

I just don’t know how to keep hoping for the same things when life keeps teaching me how to live without them

maybe that’s the most honest prayer I have left: God, I still believe You hear me. But I’m tired. I don’t understand;  I don’t have the strength to hope like I used to

So if I can’t hold on tightly, please hold on to me